Tips To Help Increase Your Self-Confidence

Many people think that when it comes to self-confidence you either have it or you don’t. That’s not always the case. In fact self-confidence, just like many other skills can be learnt. The more you practice it, the better you become at it. It is almost like an art form, enjoy and have fun with it. It could make such a difference to your life.

Here are some tips to try out and discover what works best for you.

Positive Talk

The first step is to start from within. Pay attention to your self-talk, what kind of things do you say to yourself on a regular basis? You may be surprised at the amount of negative thoughts you have about yourself. A lot of these are habits, which can be changed over time. For instance, if you have a habit of putting yourself down or calling yourself names; start by saying something positive about yourself to counter-act the negative remark. The more often you do this, the quicker it will take you to start replacing the negative talk with positive remarks. This will have a great impact on how you start to feel about yourself.


How you stand and walk has a considerable impact on how you are feeling. If you have a habit of slouching and looking down, you are conveying the message that you don’t think you are worthy or good enough. Try standing and walking tall with your shoulders down. This not only makes you look so much better, but you will instantly feel much more positive. When you appear confident, others will perceive you as such and this will help you feel like you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.


Try slowing down the pace a little when you speak. This will help you feel in control of your voice. Lowering your voice slightly when you give instructions will help you maintain a position of authority and command others attention towards you and what you have to say. Whereas, if someone speaks fast and at a higher pitch this can have the opposite effect. Try it out and see.


If you have an event coming up, such as public speaking or demonstrating something, it is natural to experience some nerves in the lead up to the event. Rehearsing and practicing beforehand will help you focus on the task at hand. Preparation is key to a successful outcome, it will increase your competence and the process itself can ease away any negative feelings and assure you that you know what you are doing.


Visualise the outcome you want to achieve. This works for many successful people. When you see yourself doing something good and positive in your mind, you are half-way there. Your mind governs your body and actions, so if your mind can see it happening, your actions will follow to make it happen and this will instil self-confidence and help you feel like you can achieve it.


How you present yourself to the world says a lot about how you think of yourself. Invest time in taking care of your appearance. Have a skincare routine, exercise regularly, get your hair done now and again and dress in clothes that make you look good. When you look good, you feel good, the two go hand-in-hand. When you feel good about yourself, you will naturally feel more confident.

Love Yourself

This step is the most important of all. Make time to really get to know yourself. Start by writing down 10 things you love about yourself. Focus on your positive qualities and enjoy being you. When you truly love yourself, it becomes easy to show love to others around you; and sharing this great feeling with them and your confidence will soar. Remember, you are lovable, you are loving and you are loved.


By Pamela Sommers

Pamela Sommers is the author of best seller ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ and Founder of SommerSparkle, an award-winning online boutique providing jewellery & accessories for special occasions


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How To Focus On The Present

We are surrounded by distractions at our every turn; from phone calls to television, and now with the added distractions of notifications from social media too. It is so easy to get caught up in these everyday occurrences that seem to have become the norm.

However, these distractions can have a tremendous impact on our mind. If we allow them to build up, it could lead to feelings of overwhelm, fatigue due to constant overload and stress.

Here are some tips to help you keep these distractions to a minimum, stay focused on the present and maintain control over your life.

At the start of your day

Begin your day by taking a few slow deep breaths. The oxygen that flows around your body as you inhale will help you feel calm and allow you to focus.


Write down 3 things that you need to do, then place them in order of priority. Take action by doing only 1 task at a time and complete it before moving on to the next task on the list. At first you may feel that this is impossible but once you start doing this method, it will become easier. Don’t be tempted to do more than 1 task at a time as that can put pressure on you and make things more stressful. Trust the process.


When things gets too much for you, turn off all distractions. You do not have to be ‘on’ constantly because that can lead to burn-out without you realising. Turn off all devices including your mobile and laptop, tablet and the television. At first it may seem strange but you will be amazed at how much clarity this can bring into a situation. Try it out and see for yourself, it doesn’t have to be for long; just give yourself the gift to just ‘be’ and not ’do’ all the time.

Don’t Worry

Fear of missing out is very common these days. People worry if they are missing out on the latest news or event and panic if they haven’t been on social media for a day. Social media is designed that way to boost engagement and persuade people to return again and again. In reality if you haven’t been on there for a couple of days, you’ll probably find that you haven’t actually missed out as much as you thought after all. Besides, if it were that important, you would probably hear about it one way or another from another source-news has a way of travelling fast. Stop focusing on what others are doing and concentrate on your own life.


If you are surrounded by lots of people and you feel like there is too much going on and you are finding it hard to think straight. Try and close your eyes for a second if you can, and imagine a heavy ball sitting on your lower abdomen. Breathe deeply and focus your breath and your mind on that ball. Imagine feeling how heavy the ball is and allow the weight of it to help you balance as you focus your energy there. Breathe in slowly in and out, keeping your shoulders down. This will help you feel calm, steady and more in control. Then open your eyes (if they were closed) and carry on.

Pay Attention

If you are meeting someone for coffee or going out for a meal, ensure you put your mobile phone away and try to turn the sound off if you can. Give them your undivided attention; it shows you care. This is especially important if you haven’t seen that person in a while. Make the most of it and enjoy it.

As I say in my book, ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’

‘today you are making tomorrow’s memories.’

So, focus on the present and treasure each moment by making them count.


By Pamela Sommers

Pamela Sommers is the author of best seller ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ and Founder of SommerSparkle, an award-winning online boutique providing jewellery & accessories for special occasions


Want more tips like this? Join my group of author friends here

To find out more about my latest book ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ click here

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Sleep – The Best Kept Secret in the World

Sleep is the one thing that we all need. We need it to function on a daily basis and there is no escape from the after effects of getting too little.


There are many better benefits to getting the right quantity and quality of sleep.

You function at your best.

You maintain good health.

You look your best.

You feel happy and content and have a positive outlook on life.


You’ll soon realise when you don’t get enough sleep or have bad quality sleep.

You may become irritable and lack patience.

You tend to feel a little down.

You don’t look as good as you would usually.

You find yourself complaining about little things in life more.

You may also take it out on others around you.

Here are some tips to help you improve the quality of your sleep:


Your activities throughout the day can have an impact on your sleep.

Exercise regularly, this will help you stay healthy and fit and can also help you obtain good quality sleep.

If you don’t do much physical work, try going for a short walk or doing something you enjoy such as dancing, gardening or something else you enjoy.


Everyone is different. Therefore, while one person may require 9 hours sleep, another may only need 6. Observe how much you need by how you are feeling the next day. Test 6 hours one day and then see if you can increase it by an hour. You may find you work best with segmented or phasic sleep patterns, whereby you have a smaller amount of sleep at night and then take a short nap during the day. You will soon discover what works best for you.


It is important to create a setting around you which is conducive to sleep.

Make sure the colours of your wall are subtle in colour such as shades of lilac, blue, cream, pink, pale green as opposed to vibrant colours like yellow, red and orange.

Surround yourself with soft warm lighting rather than cool white, hints of blue or bright lighting.

The same goes for your bed linen. Ensure they are soft colours and that you find them comforting. Make sure your bed is comfortable for you too.

Putting a couple of drops of a calming essential oil on your linen, pillows or around your bed can also have a calming effect on your mood. inhale the scent in and out slowly to help you relax.


Make it a habit to go to bed at a similar time each night. That way your body is automatically prepared for it.


Start to unwind a couple of hours before you plan to go to sleep.

Avoid watching dramatic films or programmes

Try not to listen to loud or fast music, opt for quieter or soft music instead. For instance, ambient music has a much more calming effect.

Have a warm scented bath or shower.

Make a warm, milky or herbal drink, avoid drinks with caffeine or alcohol in.

Switch off your portable devices or at least place your mobile phone on silent at a set time before you go to sleep, an hour before is perfect. This may seem daunting at first but it is a good way of training your brain to switch-off both mentally and physically and it will allow you to have some of that much needed me-time.

Reading also helps to slow down and can be a good sleep-aid.

Recall at least 3 positive things that have happened during the day. They don’t have to be big things, they could be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea and having a chance to sit and enjoy it peacefully or speaking to someone you haven’t seen in a while. This will place you in a positive and happy place in your mind.

Before you are about to drift off try slowly breathing in and out a couple of times. If you are inclined, try and get into a meditative state by saying a prayer, meditating or simply breathing deeply, this helps send you into sleep mode.

Sleep position

The Foetal position is considered to be the best position to enable sleep. This is due to its similarity of a baby in their mother’s womb and is a position of comfort and safety. Most people start off in one position and change to several, during the course of the night. There are no right or wrongs, go with what you feel most comfortable with.

Awaking in the night

This is very common. The less distractions you have the better. If you have to get up try not to start conversations or switching bright lights on as this will seem confusing to your inner body clock. Dim the lights and try to keep semi-awake as opposed to fully awake. Avoid looking at the clock, as this will make it harder to drift off again. Before you return to bed keep your feet firmly on the ground and stand up straight. This will help keep you present and grounded in the moment. Then slowly get back into bed, close your eyes and curl up in your usual sleep position, start breathing slowly and deeply and you’ll soon drift off.


All good things can take time, so be patient and persist. If it doesn’t happen the first night, keep trying for a few nights. Habits take time and getting into a new sleeping habit is no different. Be kind to yourself.

Once you start reaping the benefits of having better sleep, you will soon want to keep this going, especially as you’ll feel so great.

Others may even ask you what’s your secret?

Sleep – The best kept secret in the world.


By Pamela Sommers

Pamela Sommers is the author of ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ and Founder of SommerSparkle, an award-winning online boutique providing jewellery & accessories for special occasions

Website :

Want more tips like this? Join my group of author friends here

To find out more about my latest book ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ click here

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Tips to keep a positive mindset


Positive Mindset

More and more people are realising the importance of having a good mindset. For how we ‘think’ about life and the things around us often influences how we ‘feel.’ This has been proven many times by athletes, successful business-owners, convalescents, students and many more.

Although sometimes, it is easier said than done. For instance, we all have good days, when we feel on top of the world and believe that we can achieve anything and we also have bad days, where it can be an effort to even get out of bed, let alone take action that is required to get things done and achieve something.

Here are some tips to help you maintain a positive frame of mind:

Start from the inside out

It may sound basic but eating and drinking the right foods really can make an impact on how you feel. Try and eat a balanced diet consisting of plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Salads and raw vegetables such as carrots, beetroot and red peppers are great for providing an energy boost. Drinking plenty of water is also good as a quick pick-me-up and helps to clear all those unwanted toxins out of your system. Staying hydrated is so important for your health, well-being and mind.

Keeping Fit

Exercise has many benefits, it is a great stress-reliever, as it helps you to channel and focus your thoughts; and with the increased energy you feel afterwards, not only does this help your overall mood, it also releases those ‘feel good’ feelings about yourself, which in turn helps you to stay positive.


We all need a certain amount of sleep and rest to be at our best both mentally and physically. Getting a good night’s sleep can make all the difference to your mood and frame of mind. It will keep you mentally alert, which will help you stay in a positive state of mind for longer.

Write it down

The process of writing things down takes it out of your head and onto paper, which helps you see things more clearly. When you write down your goals and the actions you need to obtain them, it somehow makes it more real and more achievable

Step by step

Break down the actions you need to take into smaller tasks. This will make them more manageable and take the overwhelm out of it, minimising any thoughts of procrastination, obstacles and doubts that arise.


Take a few minutes to imagine the outcome you want to achieve. If you do this regularly you will almost ‘feel’ as though you have already achieved it. This will help you to move forward with a more positive mindset. Many successful people use this technique before achieving their dream goal.


This step is so important. Remember to celebrate your success, however small or large. This will make you feel good about yourself and is a terrific motivator for maintaining a positive mindset.

You can do this!


By Pamela Sommers

Pamela Sommers is the author of ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ and Founder of SommerSparkle, an award-winning online boutique providing jewellery & accessories for special occasions

Website :

Want more tips like this? Join my group of author friends here

To find out more about my latest book ‘Life Lessons from a 40 something…’ click here

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